Voight’s pronouncement, delivered with the gravitas of a man who once played a vampire hunter, has sent shockwaves through the entertainment and political spheres. Many were surprised to learn that the National Anthem, much like a prized antique or a vintage sports car, could have a single, rightful owner. Apparently, Voight is now the exclusive custodian of the anthem, ensuring that it remains pure and untainted by modernity or, heaven forbid, inclusivity.

Eyewitnesses report that Andra Day, who famously portrayed Billie Holiday and has a voice that could make a bald eagle shed a tear, was politely stunned. “I didn’t realize I was attempting to steal the anthem,” she later quipped, “but I guess it’s nice to know that Jon Voight is keeping it safe from all these nefarious anthems trying to sneak in.”

The internet, of course, wasted no time in responding. Memes of Voight standing guard over a flagpole, with a stern expression that could make the Liberty Bell ring itself, flooded social media. “Voight’s Vigilance” became an overnight hashtag, with some users hilariously suggesting that Voight might soon lay claim to other American symbols. “Next thing you know, he’ll be telling people there’s only one proper way to eat apple pie,” one Twitter user joked.

However, Voight’s comments have also sparked a deeper conversation about the meaning of the National Anthem and its role in a nation as diverse as the United States. Some have praised his stance, arguing that it reflects a desire for unity. Others have criticized it as a tone-deaf dismissal of the cultural contributions and struggles of Black Americans.

As the dust settles, one thing is clear: the National Anthem is now the hottest property in Hollywood, and Jon Voight is its most zealous protector. Whether this new role will lead to further dramatic readings of “The Star-Spangled Banner” remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure—nobody’s going to be remixing it without Voight’s approval.