The majority of people like to spend time with their kids, particularly when it involves eating. Although dining out is enjoyable, there are occasions when we should be aware of our surroundings.
This was found out by a police officer who was dining at a restaurant with his young daughter. She even walked around the restaurant wearing his hat for a while while they were having a good time.
Although it appeared that everyone was doing well, there was a photographer in the background. The worst kind of exaggeration occurred when one of those images went viral.
The plan was to have a quick lunch. I had just picked up my daughter, Zariah, from daycare after a long shift while still wearing my uniform. She begged to wear my old patrol cap and the entire police officer outfit we got her because she is five years old and obsessed with everything I wear.
We only went to Burger King to get her favorite shake and chicken fries. She was walking around as if she were the restaurant’s sheriff. Everyone seemed to think it was adorable—an older couple grinned, and a teenager called her “officer” while holding the door open for her.
I didn’t give it much thought. As usual, she sat next to me in the booth and inquired about my work. She laughed so loudly that half the place turned around when I told her about my partner’s silly error with the cruiser siren that morning.
However, this woman, who appeared to be in her mid-thirties, stood close to the soda machine with her phone angled just enough so that I could see she was recording. She zoomed in on Zariah in the cap, as I saw. Then it’s me. I thought she was just being inquisitive.
I didn’t give it any thought until a colleague texted me a screenshot from Twitter the following morning. With the caption, “Why are officers allowing children to cosplay as cops in public?” it was us, as obvious as day. This is messed up. Thousands of likes. Others have discussed trauma, called me unprofessional, and even tagged my department in comments.
I had an appointment with Internal Affairs at noon.
I attempted to clarify that it was simply my daughter acting like a child. But they kept asking me if I “understood how this might be misinterpreted” and about “public perception.”
They promised to update me on their decision the following week.
And I received another message just now.
It wasn’t from the workplace.
It came from Dr. Amari Toussaint, a woman who taught public perception and media ethics at a university in North Carolina. She claimed to have had some ideas after seeing the post go viral. To be honest, I nearly disregarded it. However, there was a difference in the way she phrased her message.
What happened to you and your daughter, in my opinion, is a prime illustration of how online indignation frequently lacks genuine context, the author wrote. I would love to speak with you if you are amenable to it.
I responded, reasoning that I had nothing to lose.
In the end, we spoke for more than an hour. No one at work asked her questions, such as how Zariah felt when she played pretend, what role modeling meant to her, and how I managed to be both a father and a police officer in the current environment. It seemed more like someone trying to understand than a lecture.
She shared our conversation in a follow-up thread on the internet two days later (with my consent, of course). Using excerpts from our conversation and a picture of Zariah’s “uniform,” she described how dressing up helps children connect with their parents and deal with difficult emotions.
That post became even more popular.
But the tide turned this time.
Comments such as “I judged too quickly” began to appear. Now this makes sense. Others related their own tales of children impersonating their parents because they admired them, such as becoming doctors, firefighters, or even sanitation workers. Another person wrote, “If this was a problem, I guess I should be fired too,” after sharing a photo of their son in a hospital lobby with a toy stethoscope.
Then it made the local news.
And not negatively. In fact, a brief segment called “When Pretend Meets Real Life: The Dad Behind the Viral Photo” was broadcast. Zariah, who was dressed alike, stole the show when she told the reporter, “I want to be just like my daddy, but I’ll let the bad guys go if they say sorry.” Zariah and I were interviewed together.
Although I was still anxious about the department’s choice, my feelings had changed by the time of the next IA meeting.
The investigation was abandoned.
Evidently, some reasonable people in the department and public pressure were helpful. “Just be careful where you wear the badge—even the toy ones,” my captain even advised.
Alright. I learned my lesson.
The real twist, however, was when I was asked to speak on a panel about parenting in uniform by Dr. Toussaint a few weeks later. Despite the fact that it was primarily virtual, I arrived dressed for off-duty, with Zariah wearing a glittery headband and my old patrol cap resting in her lap.
A teacher in the audience once remarked, “Kids see the world through stories.” And regardless of the uniform you wear, it is powerful when they witness parents upholding their morals.
I was struck by that.
In all honesty, I never intended for Zariah to be my successor. The work is challenging. You get tired of it. Now that I think about it, though, perhaps she was just trying to figure it out. Perhaps she simply wanted to walk with me in the shoes I wear every day, even if only briefly.
And perhaps that would teach us both something.
Don’t let a stranger’s photo dictate your entire story. Everyone will talk, but who will ask, listen, and make an effort to understand? Those are the voices that are worth preserving.
